My Heart!!!

We love Easter. Who am I kidding we love every holiday. But Easter is tons of fun. This year God has spoken to the depths of my soul. Alot of you may not know me enough to know that I am truly a a half glass empty kinda girl. I try desperately not to be but sometime is rears its ugly head in me and I just can't help it. Lately I have found myself questioning my relationship with my Savior. Things in my life are going so well. Shad and I are so happy and our family is flourishing. I feel like I am just waiting for the floor to fall out beneath me. What could I do to keep things going well. If I pray harder, if I get in the word more, then God wont feel the need to bring me back into a relationship with him. WOW I can't even believe these CRAZY things were going through my mind. Last Sunday Shad and participated in communion with our church. We helped pass out the eliminates. Before communion began a portion of the Passion of the Christ was shown. Boy did I need that. That movie came out when I was pregnant with Emma. Shad went to see the movie with my Grandma. I knew I couldn't see it because I was way to emotional.
I did finally see the movie and it tore me apart. Watching our Savior being brutally beaten and crucified killed me. Now for this communion. Here I am waiting for God to find a way to bring me closer by pulling the rug out from under me and look at what he sacrificed for me. The thought of my children hurting, sick, any pain, literally makes me sick. I worry at night about so many crazy things happening to them. If I could wrap them in bubble wrap and not be committed I would totally do it. My God allowed His son to be tortured for me. To die for me. And most importantly to RISE and SAVE me. Thank you Lord! That doesn't even seem like enough....Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!